A Review of “Final Destination”

As I was working out this evening, my mind happened to wander towards that one scene in Final Destination 3. You know the one, where the guy working out boasted about defeating death, only to be instantly and ironically killed by the very weights he used.

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This was the first time I had thought about the “Destination” series since I originally saw them;

Which means for the first time as a truly conscious individual, as I was much too young during their releases.
Then I thought,

“How the fuck wasn’t I scarred for life by watching these?!”

These films are absolutely terrible! I started to realize, that like, each movie is so traumatic. It’s all about people who try to avoid dying, then end up dying in even more brutal ways than they should have originally. At the time growing up, I was thinking the series was all about, like, “How can we get more nasty and goretastic shit in the next film?”

And that was it. That was the “moral” of the Final Destination series. That death is death, and it happens no matter what, and it wants to kill when it wants, and it’s all planned and you  can’t do shit about it…

But, like…

Is that the real moral of those movies? Is that really what they are trying to convey to people, that you’re all gonna die no matter what so fuck everything? I like to think that this isn’t the case, that maybe there’s something more obvious here that everyone overlooks.

Each film in the Final Destination pentalogy  begins with some sort of “psychic” or future-reader having a sudden vision. Within this vision, themselves and all of their friends around them, all die in some sort of gruesome incident. The psychic then reverts back to reality, and warns everyone of the impending doom. Depending on which film you’re watching, certain friends stay, or certain friends head the warning.

They then go for the entire film trying to avoid death itself, realizing that people in the “vision” were dying in a specific order, and that they could potentially stop it from happening. So, in every single one of these movies, the main characters become so obsessed with this concept that they track down each and every one of their friends, in order, and systematically watch them die before their own eyes.

It’s like… because they wanted so badly to find this pattern of “death”, once they found it, it HAD to come true.
What if they just ignored the pattern entirely?
What if the first person having this “freak out vision” would have just calmed the fuck down, and stayed on the plane?

I think THIS is the only reason these people were killed in these movies!
Because they purposely fought against their fate.

How could “Death” be a separate entity from a God?
Isn’t “God” kind of an all inclusive term?

Imagine if you were playing a game, and the main character in your game suddenly became too afraid to continue being under your control ONLY because they had a sudden thought that they might die? Like if Mario ran off screen, and stopped being controllable once he saw the first Goomba.

MARIO, YOU FUCK! I’m trying to have a good time here and play this game, and now you’re suddenly super worried about dying?! Like holy fuck, give me a break. You’ve still got 99 lives that you don’t even know about! Of course I’m gonna try to kill you now, you’re pissing me off!


The point is, the Final Destination films DO actually have a moral. Probably a better moral than most horror films, in my opinion, and that’s to not worry about death so fucking much! Just do what you want, live your life, and if you start freaking out thinking “this train is gonna crash”, don’t scream and scare the shit out of everyone around you. Maybe you should just follow those infamous “memes”, and KEEP CALM.

Or even better, as Douglas Adams put it,
“Don’t Panic”

tipnumber4

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Published by

Sean McGehee

CEO of the Department of Imagination.

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